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(Image Information: Minimalist art of Itachi Uchiha: https://www.reddit.com/r/Naruto/comments/ip9psr/made_minimalist_art_of_itachi_uchiha/)

Comments

  1. Hello Taeam!
    I just read your story 1 and I really liked the plot of the story and how detailed you were in the author's note! I'm also centering my storybook around the Odyssey so it's cool to see all the different creative possibilities with this classic collection of tales. I'm also an Eragon fan so I think I'm really going to enjoy seeing a sort of mash-up between an Odysseus-like character and dragons. I like that you put the turtle picture at the top of the post! Additionally, I'm a big fan of the lake valley header. My only constructive feedback would be to copy/paste your story into a doc and update any grammar/spelling it recommends. Also, if you're looking to spice up your storybook you could give each story a 1-2 word name. Are you going to write all your stories and then write an introduction? Sometimes that's a pretty good approach!

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  2. Hi Taeam! I just went through your story book and I think that it is great so far! I like that on your home page, you use a personal photo that you took yourself. I think that adds to the uniqueness of your storybook. I also ready your first story and I think that it was quite entertaining and made me want to read more. I like that the story was short and to the point and you did not drag the audience a long. I am interested to see if David will be able to get the turtle on his back. I like tricks and humor so this was good read for me. Your authors not was also written well and I like that you added humor to that as well. The only thing I would say you should do next time is title your story. Other than that, great work Taeam!

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  3. Hiya Taeam! What a cute little story. I like the outthinking-the-turtle concept by flipping it on its back, and making it slippery outside with ice is such a clever way to do that. To be honest, I like when stories use trickery rather than actually inflicting harm. Plus it leaves room for the tricked to get back at the trickery! I think you could definitely milk the imagery some more, really immerse the reader into the story. Also, one thing I like to do is italicize a train of thought and write X character thought. This way he's not just randomly speaking things out loud, but the reader can still know what he's thinking. Instead of writing hahaha, you can also say that your character laughed. I agree with Grant's feedback that pasting it into a doc and using grammar-check would really clear it up. Keep up the good work. :)

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  4. Hello Taeam! This story is really good! I like how you centered in on Odysseus' wits for the character of David. It really made for a fun central character. Also, I like how you made the turtle talk and the picture you found online for it. I wonder if the turtle that came out of the egg will obey David now? Maybe someone got their information mixed up and it's a turtle who listens to whatever someone says that hatches it? Or maybe he grabbed the wrong egg? It would be really cool to see a sequel story to see what happens with David and the new baby turtle. One suggestion I would give would be maybe have more background info. Also, I agree with Kyra that inner dialogue would give us an extra look into how the characters are thinking and feeling. Anyways, can't wait to see what other stories you write! Good job!

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  5. Hi Taeam,
    Your story was so creative! Even though it is based on another story, you added so many new details that made your story really come alive. I think there is a couple themes behind this story. First of all, David was clearly filled with greed in his mission to retrieve the golden egg. I think the story teaches us not to be greedy for things that we do not have. His greed got the best of him and he ended up with a dangerous baby monster. Now he has to think of a way to get rid of it! I also think there is a theme of not believing rumors. He was fooled by the myths to believed the egg would hold a special dragon, and he was wrong. It teaches us to be careful of what to trust because it is not always accurate. At the beginning of the story you mentioned that the egg would only answer to the person who opened it, so does the monster turtle answer to him? I appreciate the cliff hanger ending, but am just curious as to if they got along after since he was the one who opened it.
    Good job!
    Brooklin

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  6. Hi Taeam, I really enjoyed reading Story 1 of your storybook as it was so creative. I think that it is really cool how you changed the entire story except for the basic idea of trickery. I also that the use of dialogue for the characters really helps the reader to understand the personalities of your characters and give us a base for how the characters may develop throughout the story. The author’s note was also very helpful as it was quite detailed. It helped to explain exactly what inspired the story as well as where you plan to go from here. I am super curious on how you are going to develop your story from this point as I believe the ending of your first story makes people how the story will continue. Will the turtle end up growing up to be a dragon or will it become just like the giant turtle David defeated? I am excited to see where this story will go and great work on your first story!

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  7. Hey Taeam! I really loved your story about the giant turtle! I wonder if David will be able to tame the one from the egg or if it will cause him problems in the future? I really want to know what happens next! It was super creative of him to use ice to make the turtle flip on his back. I'd love to see something like that it would be kind of funny! Thank you for adding a picture of what the turtle looked like, because I probably would have imagined an oversized pet turtle or something and that wouldn't have been nearly as scary! I look forward to reading more stories, nicely done!

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  8. Hi Taeam,
    Good job with your portfolio! It’s cool you included a personal photo on the home page. You’re really good at creating plots that draw in the reader. I was impressed at how much you changed the original stories’ plots without writing a story that went all over the place! In the first story, I thought you did a great job of transferring Odysseus’s quick thinking to the new character, David. I was wondering where you got your inspiration for the turtle monster and the golden egg, since that’s pretty different from the Cyclops. I was also curious about the banner image on that page. In the second story, I liked how the son and daughter of two completely opposing forces ended up having a lot in common. It reminds me of a book called Good Omens where an angel and demon end up becoming great friends. Overall great work and I’m excited to see what other stories you add.

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  9. Hi Taeam!
    The star-crossed lover trope is always fun to see, but your story about the Battle of the Heavens gives an awesome twist. I also like that it is an aetiological story, explaining the suffering of men. Also, their first 'battle' in the sky is pretty entertaining, with Yama shooting an arrow at the unsuspecting Zaratras. I was curious as to what inspired the names of the characters. Do they have special meanings in another language/culture? Your story also depicts how different Japanese mythology is from ancient Greco-Roman mythology. Zaratras does not hesitate to take his anger out on his newborn, though in Greco-Roman mythology this would have surely condemned him. I wonder if the parents ever realized how pointless their war was and the suffering they brought onto their children. Great stories!

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  10. Hey Taeam,
    I like that your story explains the beginning of several different things. Starting out with the big bang, and then explaining how it created the world that your story is set in. Consequently, creating the two opposing sides and the stage for the conflict. This is all set up very well, and you do a great job of explaining both sides, the war, and the reason for the conflict between the two children of the might entities. It is interesting that the children feel the war is pointless, outside of the two entities hating each other. I wonder if other soldiers or citizens of the two sides feel the same? I like the flow of your writing. It is broken up in ways where I feel like I would naturally want to pause or shift ideas. The ending is a great twist! The love story was a bit of a twist itself, and then adding the death of the child and Yama really adds to the twist ending. I'm curious to know if the war continued? I assume it did, and it seems Zaratras now leans more into his evil side without his relationship with Yama. Great story, Taeam!

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  11. Hi Taeam,
    I liked your version of Odysseus facing the Cyclops! It was cool reading about how a local boy thought he could challenge a monster turtle, just to be outsmarted at the very end by the turtle's spawn. I enjoyed reading the back and forth dialogue between the turtle and David, as it made it humorous to see him bait the turtle into falling for a simple trap. You captured the quick thinking Odysseus had in his adventure. Your tale of the battle of the Heavens was also very interesting! Replacing Izanami and Izanagi with two characters who came from separate parents and ended up falling in love made for a classic Romeo and Juliet derivative. Your story could have used an image to help visualize the battlefield, but otherwise the writing was well done. The final tale, the Fox Lady, was short but sweet. The ending was short but managed to keep the mythical air of the tale as it is vague and ends with just another victim.

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